you told me you loved me
why did you leave me, all alone
now you tell me you need me
im already gone.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
;
11:01 PM
Sorry.
Salutations.
I'm sorry. Sorry that I'm not enough. Not enough to love. Not enough to spend one second to just say a simple hi to. Sorry that I am so different. That I'm not like everyone else. I'm sorry that I don't fit in your world. I'm sorry that I'm a disappointment. I'm sorry for sometimes being a failure. I'm sorry if I never lived up to expectations. I'm sorry that I'm not enough to tell everything to. I'm sorry that I am only second best. I'm sorry for being so emotional. I'm sorry for loving you. I'm sorry for hating you. I'm sorry that I am a mess. I'm sorry I'm not perfect.
But, I am just me. And that's all I'll ever be. That's all I can ever give. Myself. My love. My heart. Laid bare on the ground. Waiting to be trampled on or cradled dearly. Til then, my heart shall have it's own conviction. A conviction of genuine love.
It's the end. Goodbye 2009. Greetings 2010. May the Force be with us all.
Cos it's you and me. And I don't know why. I can't keep my eyes off you.
Sexy 17. It's my power shift.
=DeBbIe=
you are my past ; now, im my everything
Sunday, December 20, 2009
;
9:01 PM
All the right moves.
Salutations. Christmas has been going good. My father bribed me to get out of the house by giving me money to go shopping. Before you go off thinking I'm such a horrid person, I already planned to do my shopping with MY OWN MONEY in Malaysia ok. So, anyway, we went to Somerset 313, that new shopping centre. I don't know all this crap since I am not into shopping as you all know. So, I just follow. Turns out so many BLOODY BOOTS! AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR BOOTS! I WENT MAAAAADDDDD!! WILD!!!!
At last, I didn't buy anything from there. Though I do suggest you go there to shop. Sales galore. Then we took pictures at the Ferrero Rocher tree. Damn it looked so good I wanted to eat it. I mean, hello, chocolate. Everyone knows I cannot resist chocolate. So, then we ended up at Mango at Wisma. And it was there, that I found her. My dress. The dress. It's a black tube dress that has zips all over. It's kinda short, but who cares, it's meant to be like that. Cost me $70. Then, I went over to Bugis and found the perfect shoes to match my perfect dress. It was just meant to be. The shoes cost me $23. And now I have my New Wear outfit. Yay me! :) I'm gonna look so hot. Haha. With my pink hair summore.
Speaking of which, I will be dying my hair pink in Malaysia. In case I forgot to mention it. So, yeah. :) Christmas is turning out to be great! I'm so happy! It's the one time of the year that I can truly be happy inside and outside regardless of everything going wrong. It just has that effect on me. So, I'm enjoying it while it lasts, and before everything has to go back to being normal again. So yes. Will be leaving to Malaysia soon. So, I hope you guys have a good time here in Singapore. Spread the love!
I will be sad though. I will be missing all the parties here in Singapore. Our traditional annual parties at different houses. Sigh. All that turkey, and log cake and carolling and charades. Sigh. Anyways, said a nice goodbye to everyone in church today. So I'll be fine. My poor dad, he was preaching today and he was having back pain. Could hardly stand but carried on preaching. Haha. Then, I had to massage his back when we came back. This is the price of having special hands. Really, you should get a massage from me, EVERYONE looooves my massages. EVERYONE. And we were all so tired today. We were all talking on the bed and then we fell asleep. My dad, my sister, my little brother and me. Haha. All squashed up and sleeping. Haha. It was so fun.
Well, that's about it. I will be gone. The next time I post it will be after Christmas. So fast eh. Damn. So, please enjoy the holidays. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! MERRY CHRISTMAS! :) Love you all. Have fun here in Singapore. Will be missing you guys. Will be missing some more than others. They know who they are. Haha. Ciao people. Happy Holidays! God bless!
All the right moves, hey. Yeah, we're going down.
Sexy 17. It's my power shift.
=DeBbIe=
you are my past ; now, im my everything
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
;
9:10 PM
Multi-coloured facets of a diamond.
Salutations. I am feeling a thousand different emotions. Aren't I always? Why I am always an emotional rollercoaster is beyond me. It's something inate I suppose. You'd have to be able to penetrate the core of my brain to figure it out. So, as part of my emotional hysterics, I've been watching my Disney Princess movies again. Haha. Starting with my two all time favourites, Cinderella and Beauty & the Beast. I felt so young and girly again. I was singing along. Thank God I was alone. No subjection to mocking from my siblings.
Also, school is out for the Christmas holidays. I am so excited. The 'Christmas Is...' event went superbly well. Everyone had loads of fun. Anna even won 1st prize in the Lucky Draw, a brand new Canon DSLR something something. Yeah, friggin cool. Dinner was awesome thanks to Botak Jones. I can never get over how awesome their food is. Everyone said my dress was really beautiful, so I'm kinda glad that I did eventually wear it.
Still, I have lots to do. Christmas shopping, tuition, Christmas parties,etc. And I'm already leaving early next week. Fadhil even bought me something for Christmas. Isn't that sooooo sweet. :) My mind is constantly racing at the thought of what the gift could be, since he refuses to tell me. Dammit. Anyways, still gotta make my usual Christmas present list. What to get for who. Haiz. A daunting task. I'm running out of presents to buy.
Haiz. Okay, I don't really have anything else to blabber about and I'm sure you probably don't want me to blabber. Although SOME PEOPLE apparently seem to like my nonsensical rantings. Haha. Yeah, ok. So, holla at me if you want anything from Malaysia. Like gum or something. I plan to get my Christmas and New Year clothes there, and to do loads more shopping there. Bring it on! :)
That fire you ignited. Burns when I stand beside it.
Sexy 17. It's my power shift.
=DeBbIe=
you are my past ; now, im my everything
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
;
10:06 AM
Crashed and burnt.
Salutations. I am just a mess. In pain, both physically and emotionally. My head hurts. My arm and leg hurts. Haiz. And I swear I saw my life flash before my eyes. Even for that brief moment, you want to hold on to everyone you love and that ONE person just pops into your mind. It's amazing who or what runs through your mind when you think you're gonna die. I could hear his sweet voice in my head. But somehow, even with all that pain shooting through my body, it doesn't come close to the pain of my broken heart.
Anyway, Christmas is coming soon. I am just looking forward to that. The Christmas cheer always gets to me! I can't wait! Even though I won't be here in Singapore on Christmas Day, I am glad to be going back home to Malaysia. I miss my family there. I miss my Malaysian food. I miss my Malaysia. Negaraku. I will definetely miss my Singaporean people. I have grown so accustomed to celebrating with them. Haiz. I really wish I could be in two places at once. Honestly, I truly wish I could.
I really wish I could reach out and hug him now. But I can't. Haiz. Dammit. Somehow, no matter how hard you try to make it seem like nothing happened, like everything's ok, it can never be that way. Because in the back of your mind somewhere, you're constantly reminded of that one tiny detail that changed everything. Note to self : Keep thoughts inside head. Please dear ones, learn from my horrendous mistake.
Now the fire alarm is ringing. Great. And the guy on the speaker is going on and on about it. I mean, DUH, it's obvious the alarm is ringing. We can hear it. Haiz. Retards. Anyhoo, the concert day is coming closer. Full dress rehearsals went great. We got our MJ leather jackets and our MJ gold outfits. We look so fly. Haha. This sunday is the day. 13th. I've been practicing my songs non-stop, trying to make them sound perfect. All the right moves and I'll stand by you. And I'm going to wear a pretty dress and all. The rare sight of me wearing a dress. Which unfortunately means I have to wear heels. Sigh. But then again, I don't want to look like some misfortuned person on Christmas. So yeah, I'll take the damn dress.
Now, I have to go study and do something fruitful with my life. If I even pause for a while, I will feel the pain of my broken heart reminding me that I can't have him, no matter how hard I try. Haiz. Gonna study now. Numb my mind and heart with the dull words on the powerpoint. At least i can cheer myself up with the fact that SOMEONE didn't make it through to the Idol finals! AHHAHA. God has given me the best present this Christmas. Slyvia for the win! :) I'll shutup now. Goodbye. Seasons greetings!
And then I crashed into you. And I went up in flames.
Sexy 17. It's my power shift.
=DeBbIe=
you are my past ; now, im my everything
