you told me you loved me
why did you leave me, all alone
now you tell me you need me
im already gone.
Monday, July 28, 2008
;
10:25 PM
There certainly is no place like home.
I'm back from Malaysia. We drove straight up to Klang. I had an awesome time reuniting with my family. I miss them so much. I'll try to get the pics up. Have to "import" them from Malaysia. Haha. We went to visit Aunty Orange's grave. Had a minute of silence and a prayer. Then we headed back home, to get ready the house for the memorial service. I really miss her alot. But I know, she's up there with God. So, the memorial service went well. The menu was specially chosen by her, before she passed away. She told us how she wanted the service to be. So, in remembrance of her, we did it according to her wishes.
So, we spent alot of time together. The whole family. I got to see a picture of my grandparents, my great-grandparents and my great,great-grandparents. Haha. Familia. We also managed to get KFC. WEEEE!! Malaysia's KFC is da best. DUH! Also, after years, I ate my beloved Kaya Balls. Since I was little, I used to eat them. Only found in Jusco. Reunited again. We stopped by Bangi on the way, to visit Unc. Roland and family. We reached Singapore at about 4am. So I didn't go to school today.
I really wish we didn't have to come back. But we don't exactly have a choice. I wanna stay in Malaysia. With my family. My country. My home. I could so easily leave this life behind. I'm going back after O Levels. For as long as I can. I would have forced my dad to let me stay. Really. But someone I thought of made me come home. I missed him too much. I thought about everyone else, but they didn't matter. He, made me come home. Zhafri. I missed him so much. I wanted to come home and see his face. My beloved adik. Okay thats all. Oh ya, and my life is still a shithole. Crumbling down around me. Piece by piece.
Stay with me. Don't let me go. I can't be without you.
Sweet 16. Gonna spread my wings.
=DeBbIe=
you are my past ; now, im my everything
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
;
6:53 PM
Home sweet home. Malaysia here I come.
For once, I wish time wouldn't pass so fast. I'll only be in Malaysia for about 2 days. So, I have to absorb the sweet smelling beauty of that which surrounds me in the lack of the suffice of time that I have. God, be gracious. Blood is thicker than water.
I wish the hands of the clock - which so gracefully tick away a second of my life, quicker than I expect it to - would slow down. The pressure of Prelims and O's, gosh, who knew life would require this much at only 16. Sure, we feel gratified when it comes to material things, feeling the need to be ostentatious. But when academics are involved, we slowly shy away.
I feel alone. I feel I don't belong where I am. In school, with the people around me. Im not with who Im supposed to be. That's what saddens me now. AHHHHH. Im going bonkers. There is this gaping hole in my heart, void. I am waiting, for something, or someone to fill it. The people around me, every place I go, don't seem to piece this puzzle together. God, save me. From this misery. Only You know how pathetic I am. Stuck in desolation!
All hope that I have, rests in Edward Cullen. I am waiting on the 3rd book, Eclipse. He gives me hope, with all that he does for Bella. Pfft. Life is effing bad now. Get me out of this bloody shithole. No one, except God, knows my pain. Friends?? Yeah, sure. Friends??!! Somehow this word, has a double meaning. Go figure.
Amirul, I need you. Please, make me smile. Amirul, where are you when I need you and your comforting hugs. You were always there for me. Now, I hardly see you. Zhaf, where are you when I need you to wipe my tears again. Haix. Like I said, shithole. Oh FCUK!!
I am vincated. I am selfish. I am wrong. I am right.
Sweet 16. Gonna spread my wings.
=DeBbIe=
you are my past ; now, im my everything
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
;
7:41 PM
Twilight's coming out soon. Cannot wait. Seriously.
Hey people. I bring you good news. My mum is out of hospital, and doing better than ever. She is back to doing her normal routines. Im so glad. The operation didn't take long and wasn't as torturous as I imagined. Knowing myself, I know I exaggerate things, when it comes to issues like these. I miss home-cooked food. Thank God for Mothers!
Anyhoo, I finally finished Twilight. Actually, I finished it a while ago, but couldn't bear to part with it, and managed to sneak in a few more reads of my favourite scenes. Favourite quote: And so the lion fell in love with the lamb. What a beautifully painful love story. Vampire and human. Alright, so I'm on to the 2nd book, New Moon. The first few pages and already I'm in pain. I don't wanna spoil the fun for future readers, so that's it from me. I managed to get Nisa and Aida hooked. Hehe. And for those who havent read it, don't worry. You still have time, until December, to read the book, before the movie comes out. God bless Stephenie Meyer for giving us hope for another day, with the perfect image of Edward Cullen etched forever in our hearts and minds.
Guess what, I gotta serve detention for missing Sports Day. Haha. Me, of all people. My dad just told me that The Dark Knight is NC16. Hmm. Gotta find out. Anyway, I can watch. Haha. Don't give a damn. Alright, going to watch more Twilight videos and fall desperately for Edward's crooked smile, again. Yes, again. Ciao people!
And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.
Sweet 16. Gonna spread my wings.
=DeBbIe=
you are my past ; now, im my everything
Monday, July 14, 2008
;
3:17 PM
Mummy, please be alright. I can't live without you.
Wow. Yesterday, was a big day. Haha. First of all, it was Paul's bdae. Happy Sweet 16 boii!! Though, since he's a guy, dunnoe if it's still sweet. Anyhoo, I smsed him at 12midnight. And I told him hours before, that I was gonna call him. He replied with a promise to stay awake. Despite his, Im sure, "prevalent" efforts to stick toothpicks between his eyelids for my sake, he fell asleep. Yes, lemme reinforce that, he fell asleep. So, this seems to me, that he much rather sleep than turn 16. So, in church, I screwed him. But, we cut cake for him anyway. Delicious cake I might add. We took pics. We were hoping to play Winning 11, but Bobby didnt bring it to church. He came from army camp.
My parents didnt go to church cause my mum was having heavy bleeding. When I came back home, my mum told me she was going to KK. I was shocked. But, I helped her packed. The stale smell of blood got the better of me, and I almost fainted twice. Then, after they left. I fainted. I fell on the floor in the hall. My little brother panicked( according to him), and tried calling people on my hand phone, but to no avail. He doesnt know how to use it. To make matters worse, my house phone isnt working.
So, luckily, my church friend called my phone, and Vic picked up. He told them I was on the floor and not moving. Blablabla. I woke up in a daze, and he passed me the phone. Esther, on the other line, told me that my church member staying nearby was coming over. She came, and took good care of me until my older brother came home. All the while, I was feeling dizzy, so I lay on the couch. Wow, my first, and hopefully last, fainting spell. I think the whole church knows I fainted cos calls were going around like mad to see if I was ok. Haha. What a day!
So, my mum's in KK now. They are gonna do a DNC. And then, probably, she'll be back tomorrow. I hope. I did my crying yesterday. So, today Im fine. Didnt go to school. Someone has to take care of Victor. Seeesh!! You may, or may not, ask why bad things are befalling me at such a time?? Who knows. Devil is trying to bring me down. But I aint going nowhere. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
One more thing, I am officially,head over heels, desperately, unconditionally, irrevocably, more than in love with Edward Cullen, the vampire who doesn't exist expect only in my head and in my heart. Bella who??? Edward is mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bella and Edward
And so, the lion fell in love with the lamb.
Sweet 16. Gonna spread my wings.
=DeBbIe=
you are my past ; now, im my everything
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
;
4:08 PM
Im so in love with Edward Cullen. Truly, madly, deeply.
Hey people. Im falling in love with so many people right now. Haha. Okay, I admit, I hated the Click Five all this while. Well, on Monday, was waiting to go to church. So I watched the movie, Taking 5, which is like this teenage movie about the Click Five. And I fell so deep I can't come out. Haha. They honestly kidnapped my heart, like their song says. The ex-lead singer, Ritchie, is freaking gorgeous. So hot! Why did they change him?? AHH.
Alright. So Nithya was like reading this book, that the gals in my class have fallen for, only because of the lead male character, who is a vampire, and an object of their desire. Despite him being fictitious and all. Niways, during A Maths, I picked up the book and started reading. And now, WWWOOOOWWWWW. Im hooked!!! Im so in love with Edward Cullen, the non-existant vampire. This is the beauty of books. Your imagination just runs wild. And now, they are making a movie based on the book. Haha. WEEEE!! Ms Suhaila probably thinks we are nitwits. But who cares, time to step into the Twilight Zone.
But despite all these people I "love", I can obviously never even be with them. That's why God gave us our other half. Well, I know I'll always love him. He knows who he is. So, yeah, thats about it. I cant wait to go back home to Malaysia. Never wanna come back. But I have to. Stupid O's. Guess that's life. Can't wait to play Winning Eleven. AHH!! Im addicted to that to. Oh ya, Ronaldo's surgery went smoothly. Hallelujah! My darling's okay. Hehe.
Kidnap my heart. Take me with you.
Sweet 16. Gonna spread my wings.
=DeBbIe=
you are my past ; now, im my everything
Sunday, July 06, 2008
;
9:55 PM
Going home to Malaysia soon. Counting down.
Hey people. Haven't posted in a while. Last post about my grandaunt's death, got me thinking. That's the thing about death, you dont realise what you have til its gone. Anyway, we are all doing better. Cant change what happened, so we accept it. Okay, on to other news.
Just came back from overnighting at Underwater World with my class, 405. Some people from 404 too. It was a reward from Miss Ang for meeting the criteria for Bio Mid Year. It was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much fun! We slept beneath the school of fishes and other marine life swimming around. It was a spectacular sight, forever etched in my memory. Had lots of fun with Marlon, Arran and Dom. And the rest of course. I learnt so much about marine life. It's extremely sad to see how bad these creatures are treated. We had to take a stand now. They cant speak for themselves, so we have to speak for them. Save the animals!
Anyway, I have finally completed one of my many life goals. To meet a dolphin. We got to touch the Pink Dolphins at Sentosa. They are intelligent creatures, graced with splendour and opulence, that no one can ever fathom. It was then, I realised my passion for animals, dolphins specifically. I really wanna work with these awesome beauties. Honestly. And my passion for English and Mass Com, can help me spread awareness about conservation of these dolphins. YAY ME!!!
Alrite. So. I miss Zhaf. He's been ignoring me lately. Like I dont mean anything to him. He didnt even bother to talk. Only a hi. Im sorry if I did something wrong. I really miss him. Before councillor camp, we got along great. I dont noe what happened. Im losing my friends too. Wasnt invited for outings with them. Hurt badly. They made appointments on days they know Im not free. Hmmm. Wateva. Parents lecturing me bout school and Prelims. AHH!! Life sucks. Crappy effing shit going on.
And thanks BOBBY BOO for teaching me how to play Winning Eleven. Im a pro now!! Seriously! Any challengers?? Haha. Okay. That's about it. Gotta go now. Ciao people! Live life!
To you its a ball. To me, its how I feel alive. Pass.Cross.Dribble.Score.Victory.
Sweet 16.Gonna spread my wings.
=DeBbIe=
you are my past ; now, im my everything
