you told me you loved me
why did you leave me, all alone
now you tell me you need me
im already gone.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
;
9:31 PM
Well. When you feel rejection from people, its likely that you tend to either take it out or keep it in. In my case, i'll take it out. Ok, so, feeling rejection from family is worse. Thats my situation. My parents talked to me about it though. They explained why. But i still feel rejcted and left out. They don't care. Always blaming me for everything. Everything is always my fault. Attention to the rest, except me. Now, Caleb's always too busy to talk to me. Always going out or talking to Abigail or doing something else. I hate this...and believe me, life gets suckier.
What's worse is that I found out Esther is playing the guitar for Youth Service. And my own brother chose her. I feel so downcasted. By my own blood somemore. It makes me feel so worthless and pathetic. Haix. I wish i was never born sometimes. I wouldnt be such a burden to my family, i wouldnt torment everybody with my moodiness. And problems with Gopi just add a HUGE weight on my shoulders. I'm trying to be nice to him but things are just not the same. Maybe thats the way its meant to be. I'm so confused. And Caleb's too busy to talk to me about it. So, i talk to Bobby, but then my parents think im too close to him so i have to avoid him.
MY LIFE SUCKS TO THE CORE!! The only good part is God. Pastor Frikkie prayed for me and told me " Jesus love you very much!". So at least i noe God loves me. So i can live my life with only one person loving me while the world continues to ignore me at all costs. Great. Cant wait. I just wish this was all a dream, from which i am gonna wake up soon. I feel like crying again. I already cried on Saturday. I'm glad i resolved the whole "killing myself" thing with Abigail. Im glad she was there at that time. Sshh..dont tell anyone.
OK... JoShuA wants to use e com. Selfish pig. He already used the whole afternoon and evening. And just to edit some STUPID photos of the Aerospace to put on Frienster. SEESH..get a life man. Anyway, i have to get back to my BLOODY REJECTED LONESOME life. Goodbye. Gdnite. Tc. =DeBbIe=
you are my past ; now, im my everything
